Glam Up Your Game: How to Hook Up

After some spicy back-and-forth DMs with that hottie and their body, you finally get the notification you’ve been waiting for: “Can you host?” with the spelled-out “you” and everything.

Sure you can! Right?

Theoretically, anyone can have someone over for sex. But to do it with care and consideration for the pounder/poundee? That’ll get your love shack a five-star Yelp review. So, let’s get your game up to snuff by covering what hookup sex looks like and how to get your nut without looking like one in the process.

What is a hookup?

A hookup is any casual sexual activity with a partner (or partners). This includes everything from heavy petting on the couch to getting your back blown out by a rugby team. If it’s not happening in a committed relationship, it probably fits under the umbrella of a casual hookup.

There are apps dedicated to hookups (and we know of one you’re going to love), but not every instance of casual sex is a digitally-assisted one-night stand. Hookups can happen organically between friends or after a first date. Oh, and don’t forget about the snapback-wearing forbidden fuccboi fruits that are always sniffing around your local gay bar.

How to hook up 101

Before you bring home a mysterious stranger for some hanky-panky, grab a seat and study up on these essential hookup culture considerations. Grindr’s how-to-get-ass class is officially in session!

Consent

Consent is the crucial first step in any sexual encounter. Respecting consent is a must for everyone involved. This means all parties are giving an emphatic, clear “yes!” to the sexual situation as it unfolds. If anything is unclear or ambiguous, that’s your cue to seek clarity.

STIs

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) should definitely be on your radar if you engage in casual sex. Take the necessary precautions; discuss condoms, PrEP, doxy-PEP, regular STI screenings, and sexual health status with your partner. These are all standard practices for hooking up that will help you do it safely.

Physical safety

Let’s leave the fantasies behind and have a quick reality check. We don’t live in a world where hookups have a 100% safety guarantee.

Prioritize your physical safety in whatever way feels comfortable for you. For some, this might mean carrying around mace. For others, it means telling a friend where you’re going beforehand. Either way, trust your gut and bail if your body sends warning signals.

Being a good host

If you’re hosting this steamy casual encounter, the least you can do is clean your toilet and put a sheet on the bed. No one’s asking you to turn your studio into the Ritz; they just want an environment more inviting than the bedroom from Barbarian. 

Go above and beyond with these hookup tips

We’ve covered the baseline for rocking someone’s headboard, but there’s more where that came from. Here are a few tips to make your hookup go from average to absolutely fabulous:

1. Keep it chill

Casual hookups are full of tense excitement, but it helps to keep that anxious energy under control. It’s probably not going to be as comfy and cozy as having sex in a committed relationship, but the point is to have fun — not work yourself into a pre-coital panic attack. Take a beat to breathe and ground yourself if you need to. It’s just a one-night stand; focus on having hot, sweaty fun!

2. Understand context clues

Hookup culture often relies on a lot of guesswork — a flit of the eyelashes, a sideways glance, a heavy sigh. Other times, the guy shows up at your door already nude and at half-mast. Context can tell you which responses (or appendages) will keep the sexiness from stagnating. 

Still, there’s one topic where subtlety has no place: consent. We can’t stress this enough. If there’s any ambiguity there, don’t leave it up to chance; even the most rudimentary sexual activity needs an explicit green light before you begin.

3. Spice is the spice of life

Even the most romantic atmosphere won’t make up for boring sex. You need to keep things interesting if you want to blow your booty call’s mind (among other blowable objects). Sensual foreplay is a great way to kick off any fuck sesh. After all, you need to season your meal before you eat it (metaphorically — avoid using peppercorns during foreplay if you can help it).

4. …but it doesn’t need to be a four-course meal

There’s merit to keeping your hookup simple. Many guys want to get their rocks off and head home at a reasonable hour. If that’s the vibe, don’t go out of your way to make this into a full-blown production.

And if you aren’t confident while digging through your sexual spice cabinet, chances are he can probably tell. Experimentation is fun, but we’d save it for a committed relationship unless you have a discussion beforehand.

5. Don’t be afraid to take the lead

Not everyone has the charisma or confidence to make every move, so don’t rely on your partner to do all the heavy lifting. If you can sense that it’s time to shake things up, start shaking. This includes while you’re doing the deed. Don’t hesitate to flip, flop, or flail around as needed to get the pleasure you came for — so long as you respect his boundaries.

6. Build an emotional connection

This might sound strange as a hookup tip, but trust us: Even a minor attempt at emotional connection can make a world of difference when the sex starts sexing. This doesn’t mean you should cup his face in your hands and stare into his soul like you’re trying to steal it. Just don’t be afraid to engage him in conversation, learn a little about him, and spark some chemistry.

Fucking someone you actually enjoy as a human being? Infinitely better than the alternative. 

7. Don’t overly indulge in alcohol

An old fashioned or two might make you marginally more funny to your date. But what happens when the whiskey keeps you from getting frisky? Drunk sex isn’t always the greatest, especially if it’s a casual relationship where you aren’t as familiar with each other’s bodies. Even the horniest of hookups can end in disappointment if your little guy can’t get his head in the game.