A Gay Cruising Guide for Salaciously Safe Hookups

You never know when Prince Charming is going to cross your path.

Maybe a cute boy smirks playfully while inspecting cucumbers in the vegetable section. Or a jogger makes eye contact after catching you staring at his package bouncing left and right in his gray sweats. With so many gorgeous gay men walking around, we hardly blame you for getting hard fantasizing about a quickie with a tall, dark stranger.

If you want to go old-school and swap digital dating for analog analingus, gay cruising is a proven strategy. We’ll get into the dos and don’ts with safety tips, common cruising spots, and resources to find your next encounter. But first, a history lesson!

Hardcore history: The evolution of cruising in gay culture

Finding a hookup has never been easier for queer people. A certain hookup app we happen to be quite fond of (ahem, ahem) is tailor-made to deliver fuccbois straight to your door with a few taps. But, before the internet made dick appointments so easy, gay cruising was how men picked up other men for spontaneous sexual encounters. 

Cruising was an art form, a thrilling game of secret glances and coded gestures played out in parks, clubs, and remote spots known only to those in the know. It offered an exciting rush of adrenaline straight to the cock in an era when homosexuality was othered, and many gay men were shamed into closeted existence.

And it wasn’t just about getting off. Cruising was a vital part of gay culture, a way to discover your sexuality, connect with the community, and find companionship. It was queer rebellion, resilience, and romance all rolled into one. It really put the “glory” in glory hole! 

Today, cruising for sex in a public restroom or park after dark might not sound like the most efficient (or safe) way to hook up. Figuring out where to look and how to show interest can be trickier than explaining Drag Race to your straight friends. Fortunately, we can offer some advice.

How to cruise for gay men: 6 safety tips

Sex with a stranger is exciting. But it shouldn’t come at the cost of your personal safety (or an indecent exposure charge). Before turning your afternoon into a steamy porn scene, let’s go over six essential safety tips. 

1. Trust your instincts

Sometimes, blood rushes out of your brain and straight to your cock. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a hookup and ignore your body’s natural warning systems. But your most powerful safety tool is your gut, so trust it.

If something feels weird, it might not just be your performance anxiety kicking in. That little voice in your head might pick up on subtle cues (uncomfortable eye contact, aggressive body language, or low-key homophobic remarks) that your dick chooses to ignore. It’s always better to walk away from a hot sexual encounter than to gaslight your instincts and get yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

2. Stay anonymous

Maintaining an air of mystery is sexy. But beyond the excitement, keeping your personal details private is a smart safety measure. There’s no reason to share your full name, address, or where you work during a casual encounter with a stranger.

And if they press for it? Big red flag! Stick to your first name or a nickname to safeguard your privacy. 

3. In case of turbulence, know your emergency exit

Please take a moment to locate the nearest exit. Knowing your surroundings isn’t just about finding a discreet public spot to avoid trouble. It’s also about planning how you’ll quickly bounce if things get uncomfortable. If you’re going to cruise in a public space (like a park, rest area, or secluded beach), always have an exit strategy. Identify safe paths to leave quickly. 

4. Phone a friend

Always inform a trusted friend about your plans, whether it’s a roommate, best friend, or a very open-minded straight ally. You don’t have to give all the juicy details, but sharing the who, where, and when can be a lifesaver. You only need a quick text with the basics or a location-sharing app. 

5. Read the room

The line between private and public cruising spaces can get a little blurry. Bathhouses, saunas, and gay bars are infamous spots in gay cruise lore. But not everywhere (or everyone) is down with a circle jerk in the steam room. 

Pay attention to body language, signage that prohibits sexual encounters, and the general vibe to ensure you aren’t cruising for a public lewdness charge. And when it comes to public spaces like parks, trails, or beaches, remember that others want to connect with the great outdoors — not a great pair of cheeks. If it’s not the spot, you can always make eyes or grab your crotch to indicate to another gay man that you’re interested in initiating sex in private. 

6. Practice safe sex

“Danger” should be your sexy porn star alter ego, not your cruising reality.

Wrapping it up doesn’t kill the mood; it ensures the only thing you catch is his cum. Protect yourself from HIV and other STIs by using PrEP, DoxyPEP, or condoms. While you’re at it, pack lube and hand wipes and clean up that scruff — unless that’s the look you’re going for. 

How to find the glory hole

In a conversation with Grindr, multidisciplinary artist Blew Velvet describes his relationship to cruising as learning a new dialect. Even though we’re born this way, talking the talk is a learned skill, like shading and power-bottoming. And it’s not stuff you’ll learn by Googling “gay cruising spots near me.”

Here’s a crash course on finding the right spots, picking up the lingo, and living your queer porn dreams. 

1. Find the right spot

Despite our earlier condemnation of a simple internet search, “gay hookup places near me” is one way to find where gay men go to fuck; it just won’t tell you the whole story.

In addition to scanning anonymous forums, head to your nearest gayborhood and get the tea from other gay men. Mingling with local crowds provides info you might not find online. Plus, what better place to cruise and show your intentions to hook up than by talking about cruising at a gay bar?

2. Learn the lingo

Homosexuality is a multifaceted thing. The LGBTQ community is full of subcultures, and although drag queens, lesbians, and bears are unified by a common language, every niche has its own dialect and regional slang. In other words, the language and social protocol to cruise in New York City might not translate on a business trip to St. Louis. 

Spend some time on forums or chat with guys on Grindr to get the lowdown on the scene. A lingering glance, a casual brush of the hand, or grabbing your crotch can be the difference between an orgasm and a missed connection. Plus, it’s an excuse to learn about the beautiful diversity of our community.

3. Go straight to the well

We don’t blame you if cottaging at a rest stop after dark or heading to a gay bathhouse in a seedy part of town sounds like a boner kill.

Although there’s nothing wrong with (cautiously) seeking sex in secretive shadows, plenty of safe, designated spaces exist to get your dick wet. Consider booking a gay vacation or cruise (like the boat) with Atlantis, Vacaya, or Royal Caribbean. Easing into casual sex in a place where gay men are loud, proud, and running around in thongs is a safer bet than showing up at a truck stop with a can-do attitude.