What Does It Mean to “Hook Up”?

Sex is mankind’s oldest and most beloved pastime, so it’s no surprise the activity has inspired countless slang terms. But what do they all mean?

It’s vital that you get the lingo down before you get dicked down; doing so helps avoid any embarrassing miscommunications before, during, and after. Lesson one: Exactly what does “hook up” mean, and how does hooking up differ from dating? Below, we’ll teach you all the ins and outs so you aren’t tongue-tied on your next trip to pound town.

A history of hookups

The New York Times claims that the term “hooking up” emerged more than a century ago as a synonym for “getting hitched” — drawing a comparison between marriage and tying a horse to a wagon. (Fun related fact: The ancient Greek verb γαμέω (gameo) translated to "marry" in classical times but has since evolved to mean "fuck." Funny how this specific colloquialism keeps on keepin’ on … all around the world.) By the 1980s, to “hook up” was more suggestive of a sexual encounter, but it wasn’t until 1995 that it became a mainstream euphemism for casual sex among college students.

Today, the definition of hook up remains ambiguous — in gay speak, you might even call it versatile. It might refer to impromptu heavy petting or sex, but you’re equally likely to hear “hook up” meaning a get-together with your friends at the mall, and nobody would get the impression you’re having a public orgy. Context is key!

So from horse-drawn carriages to wild group sex — perhaps even group sex inside a horse-drawn carriage — a hookup generally means something casual. It’s easy, breezy, beautiful… and, with any luck, comes with a whole lot of cum. 

Hooking up versus dating

Don’t get it twisted — hooking up and dating are two entirely different things. Confuse them at your peril.

What’s a hookup?

As established, a hookup is defined by its casual and spontaneous nature. It’s often a transactional exchange (most likely of bodily fluids). It might be facilitated by a particularly fantastic app. Or maybe you tumbled into a cab together after a few tequilas at the club. You might even be friends who get the hots for each other on occasion. We won’t judge.

And a date? 

A date is a pre-planned romantic meeting. Typically, it’s mutually agreed that there might be a relationship in the cards. If you exchanged numbers, got to know each other a little, and made dinner plans, then you’ve got a date. Still, date night might end in the bedroom; you never know.

Can hooking up lead to dating?

Well, isn’t that the million-dollar question? Hooking up is often impulsive, low-commitment, and purely sexual, but that’s not to say you couldn’t cozy up together more permanently.

We wouldn’t recommend setting your expectations high; if it’s a hookup, you both should hopefully agree there’s no commitment from the get-go. Otherwise, finding out you’re not on the same page — especially after the fact — can be a nasty surprise.

Can’t fight the feelings?

If an emotional attachment does develop between the two of you, you might have a more serious relationship on your hands. Sex can be wild and anonymous, and it can also be tender and intimate. Its many shades are what make it so wonderful. We can’t always help it when feelings arise; we’re not robots, after all. (That’s what your vibrator is for.)

If the arrangement is just casual for the moment, but you’re starting to catch feelings, you might need to transition from DTF to DTR — define the relationship. Fortunately, our guide to casual dating has some advice about how to manage that chat. 

4 pros of hooking up

You won’t be surprised to hear we’re major advocates of one-night stands with no strings attached, but what makes them so great? Here are some significant benefits:

1. Low commitment = low pressure

When there are no expectations from either party, it leaves you free to enjoy the physical act for what it is. You’re living in the moment, and that’s wonderful. So what are you waiting for? Carpe phallus — seize the cock!

2. Practice makes perfect 

There’s no shame in adding a few notches to your bedpost in the name of research. In fact, trying out a few different sexual partners can make you a better lover in the long term, so your future partners should appreciate you slutting it up.  

3. It’s your prerogative 

Britney put it best: “They say I'm nasty, but I don't give a damn. Getting boys is how I live.” You might not be in a place for a serious relationship, and that needs no justification — when you’re ready, you’re ready. Enjoy seeing what’s out there while you can. 

4. Testing the waters 

Enjoying casual sexual activity with somebody (or several bodies) can be a great way to figure out your romantic needs and desires. Learn a little about yourself by sharing yourself with others.

When NOT to hook up with someone

Although we generally endorse hooking up, not all raunchy rendezvous are created equal. There will always be complicating factors, so look out for these red flags before you get hot and heavy:

Safety first

You should always feel safe with a potential intimate partner; that (hopefully) goes without saying. Don’t be afraid to hit the eject button if you think they might be violent or dangerous somehow.

In addition, it’s essential to have an open conversation about your sexual and physical health. If either of you are habitual hooker-uppers, you should get tested regularly and know your stud’s status. 

People could get hurt 

If everyone is aware of the situation, hooking up is typically a perfectly healthy thing to do. However, if your playmate is convinced it’s a committed relationship, or they’re hoping it will become one, then there’s a good chance things will end in tears. And if you see two toothbrushes next to the sink, hightail it out of there before his husband (or wife!) gets home.

If you can’t love yourself… 

We’ve heard the iconic words from RuPaul so many times that they’ve fallen into the realm of cliché, but the lesson about self-love and self-worth shouldn’t be ignored. Always make sure you’re fooling around for the right reasons. If you don’t get pleasure from the sexual experience or the person doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, move on to the next.