What Is a Pleasure Dom? Develop a ‘Cum’-manding Presence

Pop culture would have you believe BDSM and Dom/sub play are all about inflicting or receiving pain. And although there’s certainly plenty of room for the pain-to-pleasure pipeline, there’s much more to this dynamic than meets the guy.

A significant subset of Doms actually love providing their subs with mind-bending pleasure. The control element is still there, but the goal now is to control how and when the pleasure is given. It’s a sexy angle for anyone who’s curious about the Dom/sub life but isn’t turned on by pain play. 

But what does this type of Dom’s role look like when played out in a sexual relationship? We’re here to give you the playbook on blowing your partner’s mind by getting him to blow his load over and over again.

What is a pleasure Dom?

Pleasure Doms are partners who derive their enjoyment through pleasuring their submissive partner. Unlike other dominant roles, like a master or daddy, these Doms are more invested in ensuring their partner is always feeling good, both physically and emotionally. 

So what does sub mean? The broad term refers to someone who prefers to give up control in their relationships, whether during sex or otherwise. But submissive men and their desires aren’t all the same, and neither are their Dom counterparts.

There are some traits that all D/s relationships share, including making sure everything is consensual, regardless of how intense the play is. Other kink elements like bondage or safe words are still a thing; the Dom’s goal is to provide a safe environment for erotic play, which means everything the sub wants is still on the table — including doing it on the table.

A different take on bondage and sadomasochism

Anyone outside the BDSM sphere may be a bit surprised to hear that there’s more to it than submissives solely pleasuring their Doms. After all, the sub is the one being bossed around. What is the Dom supposed to do, command them to cum? Well… kinda.

It’s not that pleasure Doms don’t engage in punishing acts; anything that provides arousal for the sub is fair game, including pain, fetish play, bondage, and many other things that go beyond oral or anal sex. But the difference is in the pleasure Dom’s approach — often softer and more attentive.

The spectrum widens when you consider that many of the sex acts associated with kink and bondage can skirt the line between pain and pleasure. Ultimately, if the goal is the sub’s pleasure, then the dominant person’s job is to use physical and mental dominance techniques to provide it however they can.

How to become a pleasure Dom

If you’ve always been intrigued by D/s play but aren’t into pain, then maybe a pleasure Dom lifestyle is for you! We’ve written a nifty handbook on how to get started with a submissive male partner:

Learn the D/s basics

You’re not getting anywhere if you don’t have a good grasp on how these relationships typically operate. Every healthy D/s couple should start by setting boundaries and discussing consent before engaging in sexual activities. It doesn’t hurt to have a safe word in play either, particularly if you’re involving more wild or primal kink elements.

Care about aftercare

Even if your Dom and sub relationship is relatively tame, there’s still merit in debriefing after sex. In kink and fetish circles, this is often referred to as aftercare. Frankly, it would benefit anyone’s sexual relationships, as it provides an opportunity to reflect on the experience and offer each other emotional support.

Create a judgment-free bone zone

Your sub should feel like he can be open and honest when he tells you about his fantasies without worrying that you’ll give him a weird look. Granted, not everything has to be your cup of pee, but you must be able to have an adult conversation about adult topics to cultivate an environment where your sub feels safe being their sexual self.

Practice your pleasuring skills

As a rule, a pleasure Dom isn’t focused on himself. To effectively control your partner’s pleasure, you’ll need to be intimately familiar with their body and the bedroom techniques they like.

Learn to read their involuntary responses — the muscles that tense up when they’re overstimulated and the uncontrollable quiver when they’re about to bust — and they’ll be like putty in your hand. What could possibly be hotter than knowing someone’s body even better than they do?

Don’t be afraid to take charge

We’re focusing a lot on the softer elements of pleasure Domming. But don’t forget you’re choreographing the whole thing for your sub. Once you’ve gathered intel about what they’re into, it’s time to put it into action. Be decisive and confident; that’s where your dominant side shines.

Consider orgasm control

Sometimes, the best way to enhance an orgasm is to put it off until later. Edging involves denying or postponing an orgasm during sexual activity, and it’s an indispensable tool for pleasure Dom/sub play. If the goal is to give him an earth-shattering orgasm, try edging him for an hour or two. When the metaphorical floodgates finally open, you’ll probably need a bigger towel.

Break out of the Dom=top mindset

Service tops and pleasure Doms often share some qualities, including a primary focus on their receiver’s erotic desires. But it’s important to know the distinction between them. Technically, you don’t have to be a top to be a pleasure Dom at all. Dom bottoms exist (and we are big fans).

Direct your very own Dom-rom-com

Is there room for romance and meet-cutes in a D/s relationship? Absolutely! An extremely gentle or sensual approach to dominating your partner is a valid way to enjoy this type of erotic play. So, even if you’re a big ol’ softie, you can still participate as a pleasure Dom — so long as you’re the one calling the shots.

Introduce props

What would kink and BDSM play be without a few fun props? Your sub’s desires can manifest in many ways, and it’s your duty to provide. Whether they like to be bound or flogged, there’s a tool for that. And if overstimulation is your thing, there are plenty of sex toys that vibrate and stroke at a higher RPM than your hips can manage.

Watch a pro and take notes

This may come as a shock to you, but there are millions upon millions of videos on the internet wherein you can pick up some pointers about pleasuring your sub. You can get more granular and search for D/s play to see how broad these sexual experiences can be. Then, based on what works for you and your partner, you can introduce these things next time you get busy.

Be the cum overlord you wish to see in the world

Being in cum-trol is a big responsibility. But if you’re the kind of person who thinks there’s nothing hotter than seeing your partner’s O-face, pleasure domming might be worth exploring. 

Pleasure Domming is a safe, accessible introduction to D/s relationships for those who aren’t experienced with kink or power play. And as the two (or more) of you grow your sexual connection, you’ll find all new ways to drive each other wild.