30 BDSM Punishment Ideas: Spank Me Harder or Else

Pain play is standard in the BDSM realm. Pain and pleasure activate similar parts of the brain, so getting some wires crossed during sex makes complete sense. And that's not to imply that there's even anything strange about being interested in gay BDSM punishment; varieties of it exist in many relationships, no matter how intense or tame.

The most important part is finding a method of doling out punishment that all parties can enjoy. Fortunately, we’ve spent all day fantasizing about it…er, researching.

The golden rule of BDSM

Before we talk any more about BDSM, let's chat for more than a hot second about safety and consent.

If you're reading this, you've likely got yourself a dictionary chock full of safe words, and you could write the book on consent. That said, it's still worth reminding everyone that BDSM requires all parties to have some form of control and communication before, during, and after play or sex.

Here’s another term you’ll want a good handle on: SSC, meaning safe, sane, and consensual. This acronym asks you to ensure both the dominant and submissive parties can (and do) consent to all activities. And when it's time to stop, it's time to stop. BDSM play should always be done with a safety-first mentality.

Communication is key here, like in any relationship. Some kinks you explore could pose a risk, but it's crucial to discuss those risks so both parties are aware before they consent. And this isn't limited to physical pain or punishment, either; emotionally or mentally charged kinks deserve just as much respect, conversation, and aftercare.

Now, on to the nasty stuff!

30 BDSM punishment ideas to make him squeal

The moment you’ve all been waiting for: It's time to break out the nipple clamps and get creative. Here are 30 BDSM ideas that will bring pain and pleasure:

Ice baths

The ice bucket challenge just got a lot sexier. There are a lot of anecdotal benefits to taking ice baths, but even those who do them frequently would agree they're painful. Grab some ice, dump it in the bathtub, and watch them squirm with beautiful anguish. Don’t run out! Get the big bag.

Spicy foods

Enjoying (see also: enduring) spicy food is another way that even normies enjoy pain as pleasure; why else would it be so popular?

Take things to the next level by having them hold hot sauce or red pepper flakes on their tongue until…well, until you say so. Just don’t let them near your undercarriage afterward unless you want some punishment of your own.

Waxing

Give your partner the full Brazilian! Not only will it stimulate his naughty bits with pain, but they’ll come out of the experience silky smooth.

Withhold pleasure

Does your partner want a taste? Too bad! Tease them with your body; present them with opportunities for pleasure (yours or theirs), and then snatch them away. Make them want it in ways they never thought possible.

Withhold release

Imagine edging taken to new, mind-meltingly excruciating heights. Stop stimulating your partner right before orgasm. Rinse and repeat until they reach the brink of insanity. Then, maybe deny the orgasm a few more times.

Use them as furniture

You thought cuddling was comfy? Well, get ready to curl up with a good book. Make your sub kneel on all fours and rest your feet on them. What a delightful way for both dom and sub to spend a rainy afternoon.

Collars

Remind them who's in charge! Up the ante on the power dynamic with a collar. Bonus points for walking them around on a leash if there's some latent humiliation or voyeur kink that either of you wants to express.

Figging

Looking for something to do with that leftover ginger from curry night? Peel it and fashion it into a butt plug (complete with a flared base, please) for your sub to wear. Figging is generally body-safe since ginger is natural, but the burn is far from comfortable. Who knew the kitchen was so full of sex supplies?

As an added bonus, they’ll be minty fresh down there, no douche required.

Caning

If you're a BDSM dom and don't have a cane, what are you waiting for? Get yourself the perfect spanking tool and watch your submissive slut howl with ecstasy.

Forced silence

Don't let your sub speak in public without asking for permission first. They only speak when Daddy says so. 

Chores

This BDSM act is consequently a great way to circumvent doing a chore you hate. Just make sure it's one your sub really dislikes. Then watch them do it, and don't let them stop until you're completely satisfied with the results.

Time-outs

Do you have a bratty submissive on your hands? We can't have that. Put them in the corner for a time-out so they can think about what they've done. 

Eating off the floor

Was their least favorite chore cleaning the floors? Great, now that they're clean, that's where they'll be eating dinner. Oh, and don't forget to tell them to clean up after themselves as punishment for making such a mess.

Vibrating toys

You can find everything from vibrating panties to dildos in the wide world of sex toys. Hold the remote in your hands and dictate when they feel what. So…why aren't they out grocery shopping with a vibrating butt plug in right now?

Restrictive discipline

This act involves taking away something they like, such as their favorite food, video game, or playlist. Once your pre-agreed conditions have been met, they can resume their enjoyment.

Spanking

Sometimes, the best solution is also the most obvious. But spanking does walk the fine line between punishment and pleasure. You can use this to your advantage, however. If your sub loves spanking, up the impact and make them beg for another.

Let the sub decide

Why should you, as the dom, have to do everything? Make your submissive partner come up with a list of things they would prefer not to do or have done to them. It's extra humiliating when they suggested the act in the first place.

Let another dom decide

Two heads are better than one, so why not consult a fellow dom for a healthy erotic brainstorm? You might discover a way to punish your sub that will blow both of your minds.

Tie them up

Bondage is another classic of BDSM punishment, but you can add to it with creative flourishes. Make them stay in one place and listen to their least favorite song or stand in front of a window for all the world to see. 

No eye contact

Go one step further from ignoring them — refuse to acknowledge them at all. It's enough to drive anyone absolutely wild after a while, but that's all part of the fun of punishing your bad boy.

Gag

We aren’t referring to the kind of gag you serve when you wear spring florals to brunch. It's the kind where you stuff soap or a ball in your sub’s mouth to make them uncomfortable. Just remember to give them breaks so they don't get lockjaw; that's a real thing.

Kneel on rice

No, not cooked rice! That’s just mushy. We’re talking about the raw, pointy stuff. Yes, it’s as painful as it sounds, and that's precisely why you'll want to add it to your sexy arsenal of domination tools. 

Walk on painful surfaces

Related to the above idea, make your submissive walk on painful surfaces like uncooked pasta or broken eggshells. Some recommend Legos, but even hardcore doms might argue that's a bridge too far.

Eating ejaculate

This option might be polarizing, but having your sub consume food with cum in it could be a curious way to spice things up. Plus, it’s nutritious! It’s up to you who the cum comes from.

Nipple clamps

How did these make it so far down the list? We’ll reinvigorate this bondage staple and suggest they wear clamps to a special event — like meeting your parents. 

Holding urine

Submissives say they gotta go right now? No, they most certainly don't. Have your partner drink diuretics like coffee or soda and then prevent them from using the bathroom. 

Wet pants

A natural conclusion to the previous punishment. Just make sure they clean up after themselves after being such a bad boy.

Pinching

If you think this is tame discipline, you've never been properly pinched. You can use clothespins if you'd like and get creative with their placement. Why not the lips, ears, or scrotum?

Chastity

We've talked about withholding orgasms or sex, but what about a cock cage that takes chastity to a whole new level? Keep the key on you and only let them out when they've been on their best behavior. 

Servitude

Have your sub wait on you hand and foot. And maybe put those hands and feet to good use while you're at it to really drive home that BDSM slave punishment factor.