Milky Drinks Make You Strong: 10 Benefits of Swallowing Cum

That old “Got Milk” campaign was a smashing success. But what Big Milk didn't account for was just how hungry it made gay guys for the other white milk: semen.

Okay, fine, the queer community was probably familiar with semen before that, but we’re willing to bet it sparked a milk mustache fetish for at least a few. For the uninitiated, semen (aka cum) is the viscous fluid that carries your sperm. It’s commonly found on one's back, thighs, chest, or face. 

If you hate to let good food go to waste, swallowing is another option for the hungry-hungry homosexuals among us. But the calorie conscious among us may be wondering: Is cum good for you, and do you get dessert if you finish all of the aforementioned man milk?

Team Spit likely has its reasons. But if you've been spewing back your BF’s loads simply because you don't see the point, we’re here to bring you the truth behind ingesting ejaculate. Believe it or not, swallowing splooge could actually be beneficial for you — aside from saving you an extra-crusty load of laundry.

10 potential benefits of swallowing cum

We’re getting close: Here are some possible effects of swallowing cum beyond touching that lil’ dangly thing that swing in the back of your throat:

1. Boost your mood

Here’s the deal: We're not going to sell anyone on taking loads as a way to manage your depression. But we're also here to deliver the facts, and studies have actually shown that semen contains components that have antidepressant qualities.

That’s right. Semen contains hormones that people with major depressive disorder lack. Although it’ll never be a substitute for good old-fashioned medication or meditation, cum could be the little ray of sunshine you need if you're feeling down.

2. Alleviate anxiety

Anxiety is something we all experience at some point in our lives. It’s usually an indicator that something feels off or we feel unsafe. But it could also mean we lack some crucial hormones to help us regulate our emotions.

Again, male ejaculate is chock-full of hormones like oxytocin, progesterone, melatonin, and even serotonin.

Each of these hormones has some positive effect on the brain. For example, oxytocin is the “cuddle hormone” that helps us feel comfortable with someone. And we’ve all had a sordid affair with melatonin gummies before; why not skip the gummy and go right for the cummy?

3. Keep your brain sharp

The same hormones that boost your mood and help you with anxiety can also improve your cognitive function. The specific hormone is called nerve growth factor, and you’ll find a lot of it in semen.

This hormone is vital for keeping the brain’s neurons functioning. Our neurons are responsible for transmitting and processing information. So maybe it’s time to close your sudoku app and text your ex? That's a joke, honey; it’s not worth it, even if it means you’ll stop losing your keys.

4. Extend your lifespan

Who knew the fountain of youth was just swinging wildly between Anthony’s legs? Studies suggest that ingesting spermidine, a key ingredient in cum, could increase an animal’s lifespan by up to 25%.

It sounds unlikely, but it’s worth a try; Wayne Gretzky famously said you miss 100% of the cumshots you don’t take (or something like that). One day, you can tell a newscaster that your secret to reaching the ripe old age of 110 is taking your meals with a side of semen.

5. Fall asleep faster

The magical combination of intense intercourse (perhaps with the help of some toys) and a hefty dose of seed could be the ticket you need to see the Sandman. Remember melatonin and oxytocin? Waste not a drop after sex, and you could have the best sleep of your life.

Other factors may explain why you often conk out after sex: You often do it at night, the jackhammer is physically exhausting, and the act of ejaculation itself can release feel-good chemicals that make you sleepy. Still, a spoonful of semen and you could be down for the count the moment Mr. Whoever gets in his Uber.

6. Increase the connection between you and your partner

Even if you’re indulging in some truly sadistic fantasies, swallowing cum can help you connect with your partner. Semen’s abundant oxytocin will bring you closer together on a chemical level. It’s a compelling reason for even the most dedicated top to consider eschewing full-blown intercourse for a rousing bit of suckage.

7. Balance your vitamin intake

Supplements ensure your body gets essential nutrients, even if you forget to go grocery shopping and eat pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Although seed isn't necessarily a replacement for a multivitamin, there’s no denying that semen really is that bitch. It contains multiple vitamins and minerals that your body needs, like Vitamin B12, sodium, potassium, zinc, Vitamin C, fructose, magnesium — the list goes on.

So, is semen part of a balanced breakfast? We’re not calling it milk for nothin’.

8. Bolster your immune system

Next time you feel under the weather, try taking your Emergen-C with a heaping helping of love juice.

OK, we can’t actually recommend that. Spermidine isn’t a one-for-one replacement for other things that keep you healthy — like washing your hands or blocking fuckboys — but the vitamins and minerals do help boost your immune system. Life finds a way, and often that way is through the penis.

9. Reduce inflammation and potential infection

Is there anything spunk can’t do? The nerve growth factor, oxytocin, and cortisol can all help reduce inflammation.

Healthy semen also contains many proteins that can fight against bacteria, viruses, and fungi. And hey, isn't your personal trainer always telling you to eat more good proteins? There you have it. Unfortunately, these ingredients don’t reduce your risk of contracting STIs.

10. Prevent hair loss

This final benefit might save you a trip to Turkey. Initial tests of spermidine suggest it may encourage hair growth. And those hormones that basically make cum a superfood also supercharge your stem cells, which can further improve your chances of hanging on to your hair instead of buying more hats.

There’s no shame in losing your hair — bald is beautiful and downright sexy. Still, if you want to keep the tide from rising on your forehead, there’s a chance slurping down some nutrient-rich semen will help. So, swallow that musky man medicine and buy yourself a new comb.

Cumshot caveats: Think before you drink

Is it worth going in for a second helping of that baby gravy? It could be; science suggests semen swallowers might be unlocking some surprising benefits. But that doesn’t mean it’s all upsides. There are plenty of risks and roadblocks to consider before you commit to being a sperm sommelier.

You need to guzzle gallons to see the benefits

Although ejaculate contains valuable vitamins and minerals, most cum-sumers aren’t eating enough semen to make an enormous difference (unless you're at Folsom). You’ll need hundreds of loads to fulfill your daily needs.

Still, there’s no shortage of balls that need draining out there, so why not make your food pyramid a little sexier and get your daily dose of dick?

Safety always comes first

But is it bad to swallow cum? You’ll be delighted to know that drinking straight from the tap is generally a safe practice. Still, you can contract STIs from oral sex, even if you don’t swallow, so talk about it before you get to the main course to keep you and your partner (or partners) safe.

The reality is that all sex is risky, and swallowing semen is included. The benefits of eating sperm don’t outweigh the frustration and complications of getting gonorrhea, so we recommend politely declining any seminal fluids if you’re worried.

Not everyone loves that nutty flavor

There’s another setback that even the most decorated dick-suckers among us may encounter: the taste. It varies from load to load, with diet and lifestyle potentially playing a part. However, with the proper diet, your man’s spunk could acquire a sweet taste thanks to the high levels of fructose.

For some people, cooties are real

A few unlucky souls are allergic to sperm, but that’s rare. The hypersensitivity to seminal fluid usually isn’t something you notice when you swallow, either. Instead, you're more likely to experience a rash or irritation if it gets on your skin. Sorry, but those semen facials are no replacement for proper skincare.