Sex Dreams: When Bedtime Fantasies Go Wild

Our brains are delightfully filthy creatures. With a biological imperative to procreate as much as humanly possible, it only makes sense that we’re thinking about it constantly — even while asleep. Sex dreams are exceedingly common, no matter what your age or sexual identity.

Dreams about sex are natural and primal, but they can also tell us about our sex lives in the waking world and even the nonsexual aspects of our subconscious. They don’t always align one-to-one with our desires. 

We can learn a lot from the sexual fantasies we have when we sleep. Let’s explore why your brain is so set on nocturnal nookie and decipher what it says about your relationships.

What do sex dreams mean?

It’s not easy to pinpoint why we dream about anything, let alone sex and intimacy. But anecdotal evidence (the best kind of evidence) dictates that a sex dream’s meaning could represent anything from a longing to resolve conflict to a real-life desire to bone someone.

Interpreting sex dreams is far from an exact science, but it helps to think about your dreams in a more symbolic sense rather than literal. Yes, it’s entirely possible to have a vivid sex dream about your boss, and it could have nothing to do with you actually porking your employer.

Why sexual dreams happen

Sex dreams arguably indicate nonsexual needs just as often as they represent sexual fantasies. A dream may tell you you’re craving greater security or self-esteem.

Physical and environmental factors may also increase your likelihood of experiencing a sex dream. Going to bed horny can absolutely increase your chances, as can sleeping on your stomach. Maybe it’s because the family jewels are under pressure. We hear that can be kinda sexy to some.

10 most common sex dreams and their potential meaning

Not all sexual dreams are created equal. Some make you wake up hot and bothered, whereas others are nothing short of a nightmare. Here, we’ve listed some of the more common sex dreams. Better yet, we took a crack at interpreting what your subconscious is telling you when it plays them on the big screen (aka your prefrontal cortex).

Sex with your ex

The experience of dreaming about sex with an ex-partner will vary wildly depending on how things ended between you. But there’s good news if you left a narcissistic gaslighter with an enormous member: It could just mean you desire the same “type” of person. Now, does that mean you’re after a person with toxic traits or a massive dong? Either way, don’t call your ex, diva. We don’t know who needs to hear this, but the dick isn’t worth the drama.

Sex with your partner

Well, this one’s pretty cut and dry; it could mean you love having sex with your partner! Congratulations on having a healthy relationship (maybe)! The only caveat is if you’re having sex that drastically differs from your real-life rendezvous. It might mean you need to spice things up and introduce more novelty into the bedroom — not a bad thing at all. Thanks, subconscious!

Sex with a coworker

Maybe you just woke up in a cold sweat from a dream about sex with a coworker you don’t find the least bit attractive. Sex dreams are often about a psychological connection, so it could just indicate you want to get to know that person better because they have great gossip or are always offering those white chocolate macadamia nut cookies you love.

Sex with multiple people

Threesomes, foursomes, and orgies are among the most common sexual fantasies. But erotic dreams involving multiple people don’t always mean you’re trying to get into a cuddle puddle. They could indicate you have too much going on in your life and need to quiet your mind before bed. So, if these dreams are distressing, maybe pull back on the hour and a half of Fruit Ninja before you go to sleep.

Sex with your boss

This one’s separate from an intimate dream about a coworker because it’s probably much more jarring (or hot). Dreaming about bending your boss over your desk after hours could simply mean you want their role. Not as the one being bent over (although maybe it’s that, too), but as the one in control. You might also be attracted to things like their ability to manage people — or maybe your subconscious is attracted to power.

Sex with a celebrity

What does it mean when Ryan Gosling enters your dreamscape as Ken but with a fully realized schlong that would make Mattel quake in fear? Maybe you just think he’s hot. But chances are you’re equally horny for the lifestyle you assume he has. And maybe this specific example says more about your desire for sex with a Ken doll than it does Ryan Gosling, but that’s just semen-tics.

Sex in public

Dreaming about sex in public could mean you’re craving something new and fresh in your sex life. Maybe it’s a way for your brain to tell you it’s craving adventure. If your dreams are putting the “lust” in “wanderlust,” switch things up — whether that means role-play, new sex positions, or risking it for the biscuit and boning somewhere other than the boudoir. That doesn’t have to be in public, either; may we recommend eating out on the dining room table?

Sex with a stranger

A sex dream involving a stranger likely means something similar to a dream about public sex: You want to experience something new. The people in your dreams are often interchangeable, so the “stranger” could be a stand-in for someone you know, like an old flame or even your current fuck buddy.

Sex with a family member

OK, let’s take a deep breath here and remember that a sex dream about someone does not always mean you want to have sex with them. And this confusing type of dream isn’t even that uncommon. It could simply mean you want to resolve or heal some family dynamics to develop a closer relationship with them in real life. Cue a collective sigh of relief.

Sex involving BDSM

Do you have a kinky AF subconscious when you sleep? You’re not alone, and it probably means your inner self wants to experiment more with your sex life. Often, what you desire in BDSM dreams is the opposite of what you’re getting in your daily life. For example, someone who’s always in control might yearn for their partner to take the reins in the bedroom.

How to have a sex dream

Has our list given you a boner for bedtime? For many people, sex dreams come and go seemingly at random, but you can influence your brain to show you the goods.

The most obvious route is lucid dreaming. During a lucid dream, the dreamer knows they’re dreaming and can control the outcome (emphasis on come). However, it’s a practiced skill that not everyone can master — at least not easily.

Fortunately, there are easier options for those of us with less control over our sleepy brains. Having sex more often could inspire more subconscious sex. The same is true for masturbation (shoutout to the gooners and padge pullers).