Sex Aftercare: Turning Good Sex into Great Vibes

When you get that feeling and need some sexual healing, don’t forget the most important part: recovery.

After an intense bedroom (or BDSM dungeon) session, sex aftercare is a crucial step to plant your cum-stained feet firmly back on solid ground.

What is aftercare exactly? We’re glad you asked, sweet boy. Read on to learn the role of aftercare in sex, positive relationships, and satisfying sexual experiences. Plus, we’ll crank out eight ideas to nurture one another after you remove the chains and nipple clamps. 

What is sexual aftercare? 

You mean besides the bare minimum after your man inserted a dog-tail buttplug and let you lead him around on a leash before slobbering all over your knob?

Sex aftercare refers to the physical and emotional support given to partners after (you guessed it) sex, especially after intense kink or BDSM scenes. It’s a uniquely personal experience and can involve everything from caring for a bruise to eating ice cream in bed — whatever helps both partners feel safe, connected, and cared for. The concept is rooted in BDSM culture as a way to bring people back down to Earth after the adrenaline-induced high of an intense sexual encounter. 

But you don’t have to crack a whip on your man’s ass to justify aftercare. All sex can be a vulnerable and high-strung experience — even slow and tender vanilla missionary. Simply put, sexual aftercare supports a deeper connection, ensuring everyone feels emotionally secure after a profoundly intimate experience. 

The importance of sexual aftercare

Feeling up all your erogenous zones isn’t the only reason sex feels so amazing. During sex, your brain releases feel-good hormones into your bloodstream, including dopamine and oxytocin. That chemical orgy creates a sense of euphoria that leaves you feeling blissed out. But the fun has to end sometime.

Post-coital drop (PCD) can be incredibly intense, leaving you feeling vulnerable, sad, or even angry. Don’t take our word for it! It’s science. Post-coital dysphoria is a common occurrence in which people experience intensely negative emotions following otherwise fulfilling, consensual sexual activities. And if you just finished a particularly intense scene with lots of name-calling, degradation, and/or testicular speed-bagging, it stands to reason that the ensuing vulnerable state might lead you to get in your head about it.

Just like foreplay is essential to warm you up, aftercare is the key to cooling you down. Imagine sexual aftercare as a gentle return to the “real world.” Aftercare allows you to process your feelings and reconnect with your partner. Whether it’s cuddling, a warm shower, or lounging on the couch with your favorite gay movie, this extra attention helps soothe your body and mind.  

Sex, aftercare, and BDSM

Whether you’re the Dom or sub, BDSM takes you to the edge of your sexual limits. Even experienced dungeon daddies can feel an intense comedown in the hours or days after a BDSM scene. 

There are lots of reasons you may experience an uncomfortable and overwhelming drop. Stress and anxiety in your regular life inevitably creep into the bedroom, external judgments about new sex acts might fill you with shame, or a scene might unexpectedly trigger past trauma. Before engaging in a scene, it’s essential to clearly understand your mental state. This will help you enjoy sex and engage with your partner from a place of joy rather than frustration, potentially mitigating rough comedowns.

De-stigmatizing Dom drop

It seems evident subs need aftercare; getting vacuum-sealed in latex with a cinder block hanging from your nipples is stressful, after all. And Doms are responsible for taking care of the subs who have given up so much power.

But the care goes both ways. After putting a partner through such intense play, many Doms feel exhaustion, depression, or even guilt — an experience called Dom drop. So, subs, don’t forget to share the love — after he’s unhooked the cinder block, of course.

Understanding the meaning of aftercare in relationships is essential to healthy sexual encounters. After all, your body is simply responding to a natural chemical comedown. Whether you’re the Dom or sub, checking in helps transition into a calmer head space. Plus, the more care you give to aftercare, the more likely you and your partner are to feel safe and excited to continue exploring new physical and emotional heights.

Aftercare examples

Did you spend all your creative energy constructing the perfect scene? Don’t worry. We’ve got you covered with plenty of aftercare ideas.

1. Talk it out: Your partner’s not a mind reader. Tell them how the experience felt — the good, the bad, and the uncomfortable. Creating an open, judgment-free dialogue fosters deeper intimacy and helps you both make sense of the experience. Frank pillow talk is also a necessary part of setting boundaries, helping you advocate for your comfort in subsequent scenes.
2. Cuddle: There’s nothing quite like a warm cuddle after great sex. Snuggling together can create soothing physical intimacy, making you both feel safe and cherished. It’s a simple way to reconnect with one another with comforting TLC. 
3. Read together: At a loss for words? If you can’t think straight, grab a cozy blanket and read a short story or some poetry. Sharing a story with your partner is a gentle way to shift gears and enjoy each other’s closeness without the pressure of leading a conversation. 
4. Take a bath: A warm, relaxing bath or shower is a fantastic way to melt away tension and build physical intimacy. Grab your favorite scented candles and some extra plush robes, and finish off with a skincare routine in bed to unwind together in a nurturing environment. 
5. Watch TV: If there was ever a good excuse to binge-watch Love Island, this is your chance. Choose a light-hearted TV show that makes you laugh or swoon. It’s a low-pressure activity that lets you enjoy each other’s company while your emotions regulate. 
6. Take a nap: There’s nothing like a midday nap after some hot afternoon delight. Snuggle up for a cozy nap to share physical intimacy while your bodies and minds process the sexual experience.
7. Give a gentle massage: Treat each other to a relaxing, nonsexual massage. It displays love and care after a thrilling experience, melting away the overwhelming sexual peaks you just summited together. 
8. Journal together: We’re not all natural wordsmiths. If you or your partner have a hard time speaking off the cuff, try doodling or jotting down feelings to make sense of the sexual experience and transition into an insightful conversation.