How to Take Nudes That’ll Get Him Bricked Up

What’s this? You’ve received the holy grail of texts from that hot stud you’re talking to: “U up?”

Yes, you are (and in more ways than one). Now, how to prove it to him? Some suggestive emojis and daring dirty talk might not be enough to tide him over this time.

Right! You go through your arsenal of carefully crafted nudes and send him the crème de la crème.

Except what if you don’t have a gallery of tasteful (or downright raunchy) nudes ready for sexting? How can you start curating your own?

You might be surprised to learn there’s a science to sexiness and flirting. And fortunately for you, we’re the self-proclaimed Aristotles of hole pics. So grab a pen, pick out some porn, and backlight your sack, because we’re talking about how to take nudes that will make men swoon and sweat while sexting.

The art of the nude

While we can lay out the formula for taking porn-worthy nudes, remember: artistry matters. Your naked body is beautiful, and you should celebrate that by taking alluring, intriguing, and unique photos.

That doesn’t mean running it through so many Instagram filters that your naked body looks like a Klimt painting. After all, you’re still trying to transmit useful information.

And don’t get caught up on perfection. There’s no need to wait for golden hour if someone just wants to know whether or not they’ll be able to walk after you hook up.

Before you pose like one of his French girls, get consent

The importance of consent and e-safety should never go unmentioned. Never assume someone wants to see what you’re workin’ with. Trust us, he’ll ask.

It’s a shame that nudes and consent still seem to be a contentious topic in some circles. It’s literally just digital flashing.

Your own consent and comfort are also crucial when someone asks you for nudes. If anyone pressures you to send nude photos, remember you aren’t obligated to do so.

Anyone pressuring you to send nude selfies probably won’t be a great fit for you as a sexual partner, anyway. There’s nothing sexy about peer pressure (unless that’s your kink, but that also requires consent). Your e-safety matters!

How to take the best nudes that stay true to you

Now that we’ve covered the basics, it’s time to unveil your birthday suit and learn how to take nudes. Here’s your handy guide to taking pics that will make your guy wanna get handsy with you:

1. Get in the mood

If you’ve just ended a Zoom call about quarterly reports with your boss and have an Uncrustable waiting for you in the fridge, you’re probably not in the proper headspace to sell that you’re feeling sexy. 

Getting into the mood is a process for many people. Our society doesn’t always make it seem natural, leading many to feel lost or out of practice mustering the confidence to take nudes. 

Set the scene by doing something that makes you feel sexy. For some, that might be watching porn; for others, it might be a game day pep talk in the bathroom mirror, a la American Psycho.

And for those special few who know how to take tasteful nudes at the drop of a hat, it’s finishing that Uncrustable in the fridge.

2. Throw it back

Before you take photos of your behind, you have to think about what lies behind it.

What’s in the shot? Is your cat cleaning itself? Do you have that not-so-novelty novelty sex toy laying out that doesn’t gel with this particular fantasy? Is there literally another person sitting there playing mobile games on their phone? 

Clear out anything that doesn’t serve the ambiance or could distract from the focal point: your juicy butt (and your dick, if you know your angles). Although you want to represent yourself authentically, you can do that without the half-eaten family-size Dorito bag on your bed. Save that for after the sex.

3. Lights, camera, cracktion

Beyond your ass-ets, your environment will affect how you take the picture. Switching up the lighting is one of the easiest ways to give off a particular vibe.

Want something sultry and effortless? Wait for that brilliant natural light to bathe your nude body. Want something hi-def and remarkably detailed? No, you don’t. But if you did, you could break out the ring light to highlight certain features.

The problem with natural light is that it’s virtually impossible to tame. The sun’s rays can go from sultry to over-exposing in moments, so it’s not always a reliable way to take good nudes. And since time is often of the essence when you’re trying to keep the mood going, you’ll want to find some soft indoor light. 

A good rule of thumb for lighting is to position the light in front of your body. This will help you snap the clearest photo possible.

But that isn’t to say backlighting can’t serve a purpose. Those who want something more provocative and moody might want to play around with this lighting and see what kind of sext-worthy stuff shakes loose.

4. Queerer, mirror, on the wall

Look at yourself! No, really, look at yourself — preferably naked in the mirror.

Using mirrors to manipulate your shots can help you learn how to take good nudes in unexpected ways. Even if everyone wants to knock the mirror selfie, it’s undeniably a fantastic angle for those thicc back shots that will make him want to give you some thick backshots.

Try different poses in front of the mirror to elicit different reactions from the lucky recipient. Adjusting the angle of the camera or your body can help you communicate whether you’re feeling dominant or submissive. Play around with it and see if you can figure out how to take sexy nudes in your own way. 

Remember, it’s typically most flattering to hold your phone at a high angle for selfies. But if your face isn’t the point of the photo, then that’s not really something you need to worry about.

In any case, we highly recommend you groom yourself so you feel confident. It’ll help you figure out how to take sexy boudoir photos and selfies that show you at your best.

You probably already know those with floor-length mirrors are magical for nude-taking, but it bears repeating. Full-body is the way to go if you want to show him you’re a kneeling, sexy sub or an imposing dom in a power pose. 

5. Make ‘em lose their breath (by remembering yours)

This tip is for all of you tripod-less divas and dolls out there. If you’re taking a photo, it probably involves holding up a smartphone. But try as you might, it’s not necessarily easy to keep that arm steady — doubly so if you’re doing what we think you’re doing with the other hand.

Fortunately, there’s a timeless strategy you can tap into that living organisms have used since time immemorial: breathing. It’s simple — get everything together for your shot, hit your pose, inhale, exhale halfway, pause, and snap your erotic photo. Like a sniper taking his shot, you’re sure to hit the bullseye.

6. You don’t have to invest in gear (but you could)

It might be enticing to go out and buy items to help you take a sexier selfie, but they’re not always necessary. Your smartphone is perfectly capable of taking some sensational shots of your total or partial package. These tips, some practice, and a dash of confidence will help you take great nudes, and no technology can substitute for the right angle and lighting.

That said, if you feel you can’t capture the full mass of your ass or frame all of your balls, some gear is a wise investment. You’ll probably get the most mileage out of a light and a tripod or selfie stick.

7. Reveal by covering up

If you’re going for the flirtatious or mysterious vibe, a hole pic won’t leave much to the imagination. Knowing your audience and thinking about your goals is essential for a hot selfie.

Covering up a little is an excellent way to achieve a sultry look without splaying yourself across a bear rug you got from Temu (not that we hate that idea).

What about slipping into that hot new jock — or slipping out of it and using it to hide the ol’ twig and berries? That’s perfect if the goal is to show people your more whimsical side while also displaying your sexiest feature — your confidence.

And if you’re wondering how to take nudes as a guy that doesn't like to reveal too much, try the classic “peeking the dick up over the waistband” look that arguably doesn’t get the credit it deserves.