How to Give a Lap Dance and Stop Throwing Ass Like an Amateur

If dance is an art, lap dancing is a Georgia O'Keeffe painting: beautiful, sensual, and somewhat perplexing if you don’t understand the subject (which is obviously flowers and flowers only).

Dance is also extraordinarily empowering and a beautiful way to express your sexuality. You might scoff and assume this doesn't apply to learning how to give a lap dance, but we're gonna make it our goal to get you out of that headspace and into a head-giving space.

It doesn't matter if you have two left feet, because giving the ultimate male lap dance relies much more on other body parts (but sometimes feet, depending on his tastes). And you'd be surprised just how simple it is once you learn the basics and get out of your own way.

But before we succumb to our animal instincts and embrace our jiggle physics, let's remember that consent and boundaries are always top priorities. Communicate with the recipient before you dive dick-first into your routine. Lap dances might seem silly or harmless, but an unwanted one can be profoundly uncomfortable and downright traumatizing. Don't be that guy.

Preparing for the lap dance

Like many other acts in the gay world, prep is everything — even when some of the letters aren't capitalized. It's all about cultivating confidence for a sexier, more confident end result. Here are some good places to start:

• Groom your body: The better you feel (and smell), the easier it is to come out of your shell.
• Dress the part: We're not saying a parka and moon boots aren't sexy, but you might want to stick to more easily removed garments. Layers are great since you'll have more to take off — just keep the throughline sensual.
• Pick the right environment: Not every setting is ideal for ass-shaking. Keep the lights low for extra sensuality points. And make sure your chosen chair or surface is stable. You built that IKEA desk yourself; you know it wasn’t made for erotic stripteases.
• Read the room: The vibes need to come correct if you want to drive your man wild. Maybe he would love a sexy surprise after a long day at work, or maybe he needs some time to decompress before getting intimate.

Some have an easier time than others finding their footing during a strip tease. Still, as long as you tick these boxes, you're well on your way to unlocking your inner seductress.

Building confidence and connection

It can be challenging to overcome feelings about your body when you're putting it on full display in a lap dance. But embracing who you are is essential to your own happiness, regardless of how much or how little you’re wearing.

If self-confidence doesn't come naturally to you, don't sweat it. Just like learning how to do a lap dance, all you need is a little practice. Some concerted effort toward self-love will pay dividends, both with your partner and the greatest love of all: yourself.

Give ’em the ol razzle-dazzle: Mastering lap dance moves 

Sexy dancing is so much more about the attitude than your execution of choreography. However, you are still technically doing a routine and must perform with some semblance of grace. Here are a few elements to remember before you charm his trouser snake:

Sensual movement and body language

Dramatic and daring moves are nice, but how you move between them really sets the tone. Body language is a major player here. Crossing your arms or hunching over doesn't read sexy. If anything, it reads, “I can't wait for this to be over so I can blow him and go to bed.”

Remember to maintain eye contact and be mindful of your facial expression. Anxiety, fear, boredom — they’ll all contort your face and affect your exotic dancing persona.

For your approach, consider the sexy strut — a move practically copyrighted by pop girlies of the early 2000s. One of the best things about this move is its simplicity. You just need to sell your innate sexiness to yourself and put it on display with your approach.

The art of teasing and anticipation

If you’re unfamiliar with the term “edging,” you’d better study up. Taking your partner to the edge of an orgasm and stopping, delaying, or denying pleasure for the sake of even more pleasure — this philosophy applies to your lap dance routine, as well.

Don't just give up the goods during the first eight count. Build some momentum, offer up the goods, and then snatch them away. He might want it, but you wanna make him crave it, and that's gonna take some sleight of hand and/or ass.

Incorporating different dance styles and techniques

Even if you aren’t exactly Mr. Wet and Gushy, a little bit of technique will still leave him in need of a bucket and a mop. This is where a little pornographic research comes in handy. Look for patterns in lap dancing. You might notice that professional strippers often have go-to moves borrowed from other styles. 

It doesn’t have to be anything flashy, either. You can even watch some of your favorite sexy music videos and serve whatever they’re serving. Start small and slowly build a more masterful routine. 

Or fully cheat and look up “Brazilian lap dance” if your man likes it really, really rough.

Music and rhythm

Let's dig into the juicy meat and potatoes of how to give a lap dance for your husband, boyfriend, or consenting boy toy. Nothing is more essential than the music and rhythm.

Aside from prep, a sexy song is the most crucial element you can focus on. You want to choose the right music for the mood and your mindset. If the track doesn't make you feel sexy, then you're gonna have a hard time conveying eroticism.

And for those of you clapping on the one and the three, listen up: Music choice is vital, but so is musicality. Rhythm is a dancer, and you’ll need to match your movements to the beat if you hope to be one yourself.

You can also use the peaks and valleys of a track to inform your movements. Is there a slower section where most of the music drops out? Maybe you’ll switch to something more sensual and slinky. Is there an intense electric guitar riff after the chorus? Now might be a good time for some hair-ography if you've got the goods.

Aural sex

Starved for some spicy lap dance music inspo? You could theoretically bussy pop to Vivaldi’s “The Four Seasons,” but some songs are just better for lap dancing than others. Here are four examples of excellent song choices for an erotic dance:

• “Nice & Slow” — Usher
• “S&M” — Rihanna
• “WAP” — Cardi B Featuring Megan Thee Stallion
• “Do Me, Baby” — Prince

Each song has a distinct mood and vibe, but they all have one thing in common: They're going to do a fantastic job putting you and your beau in the mood for some bumpin’ and grindin’.

Touch and intimacy

How you employ touch is a dance unto itself. Remember that this is a performance, and masterful performances aren’t all one speed right out the gate. There’s variety — ebbs and flows that keep things interesting. Take the same approach with your man to keep things exciting.

During most professional lap dances, you aren’t allowed to touch the strippers. You may want to replicate that since distance from your butt makes the groin grow fonder, but that’s entirely up to you.

Touch is already powerful enough during sex, but touching in the right spots — or even withholding specific touch — during a lap dance? Now that’s art.

Also, we’re gonna sound like a broken record, but it’s better than a broken boundary: Establish consent before you slam your man clam into anyone’s lap. Some people aren’t feeling the catch of the day; you should respect that, even if you’re serving market price. 

Consent and boundaries are the primary reasons you typically can’t touch strippers; it’s about their comfort as people first, performers second. So, discuss everyone’s comfort zone before you turn on “Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy).”

Tips and tricks for a memorable lap dance

Before you head off to become the embodiment of pure sex, may we interest you in just a few ways to bring out your inner exotic dancer? Here are some top stripper tips for a sexier, more seductive lap dance:

Prop queen

Props and accessories can enhance your lap dance performance. Scarves, riding crops, maybe some handcuffs — you’ll be surprised how much incorporating these accessories can make you feel like a proper stripper. Get creative, play a character, and release your inhibitions!

Pro tips

Faking it ’til you make it is a lot easier when you have a point of reference. There’s no shame in watching and incorporating professional dancers’ moves into your private routine. Establishing the basics is an excellent way to start. Eventually, you can riff on the classics and develop creative routines straight from your hot noggin.