Time to Get Some Perspective, Hunty! How to Get Over a Crush

When you’re excited about a new crush, you can live entire lifetimes of fantasy and possibility in the little moments of your daydreams. Fresh infatuation is an emotional high no drug can replicate, which is why the heartbreak of unrequited love hurts so damn much.

When you realize your feelings aren’t reciprocated, the sense of rejection and squashed hope can turn your cute crush into crushing sadness. You don’t have to go through a whole breakup to feel sad about the loss, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

It’s normal to fantasize about all the exciting possibilities of a new crush and feel devastated over a relationship that wasn’t. We’ve all been there and survived — and you will, too.

If you’re wondering how to get rid of a crush that fizzled before it started, we’ve got you covered with all the steps you need to grieve, heal, and move on!

How to get over a crush in 11 steps

For queer people, yearning is practically in our DNA. So when we get a taste of emotional intimacy and the possibility of romantic love, we lose our shit. It’s just what we do. 

Here’s what to do when it doesn’t go the way you imagined:

1. Unfollow him! 

The first piece of advice on how to stop liking someone: Unfriending is your new best friend. Block, mute, and delete him on every social platform you can think of — at least until your feelings cool down.

Seriously, listen to Mama Grindr. Lurking on his Instagram will only fuel your insecurities and hurt you even more. Unfriending is everything.

2. Get it out of your system

Purge all those big, sad, heavy, intense feelings instead of shoving them down inside. Give yourself time to rant to your friends, journal, or cat about all the ways you imagined your relationship unfolding and how much it hurts that it’ll never happen. 

Listen to sad breakup songs. Cry it out. Punch a pillow. Do what you have to do to ensure it doesn’t get bottled up inside. These are valid emotions that you deserve to work out of your system.

3. Distract yourself

Once you’ve vented all those feelings, do what you can to move on. Don’t go to the coffee shop that reminds you of him. Do throw yourself into a new hobby. Maybe even hook up with someone who’s nothing like him (if it feels right). 

Are you thinking about texting him? Absolutely not! Enlist a friend to distract you if you catch yourself ruminating on what could’ve been. And if there’s nobody around, imagine us smacking the phone right out of your hand.

4. Get some perspective

The heady haze of oxytocin and dopamine that floods our infatuated brains in the heat of a crush makes it hard to see all the details. Wanna clear the fog? Open the library and let your friends read him to filth. 

Take off the rose-tinted glasses and step out of your emotional brain so you can think critically about all the ways he isn’t even right for you. We often crush on someone we don’t actually know too well, leading us to project many of our own wants onto them without realizing that’s not who they are. 

Get in touch with his reality to bring you back down to earth. He’s likely got more red flags than an Arsenal fan. (That’s our one and only sports reference for all the heartbroken jocks out there.)

Reconsider how it’s actually kind of gross that he talks shit about all of his exes. Remind yourself of that time you saw him pick his nose and examine his findings. Maybe it’ll help wash away the lovey hormones a little faster!

5. Check your own red flags

Some guys are just assholes who lead you on and carelessly cause harm. But if your crush wasn’t the type, you might want to get real with yourself about your role in the disconnect.

Maybe you made assumptions or ignored some signs because you were blinded by your feelings (or that ass). Be kind to yourself and remember that what’s in the past is in the past. Now, you have a chance to improve your future with this new information.

6. Don’t rush, but don’t dwell

There isn’t a strict timeline for how to get over a broken heart or a fantasy that never came to fruition. Give yourself time to process the experience.

But if you find yourself fantasizing an unhealthy amount, idealizing every little thing about your crush, and thinking about them to the point of obsession, it’s time to reassess, boo boo. You have exited the fun-filled world of infatuation and fallen into the tantalizing trap of limerence. 

The gays might be known for our yearning, but it’s not healthy to feel like you’re practically addicted to someone else.

7. Talk to a therapist

Or a counselor, or a psychologist, or your local bisexual tarot-reading witch. If you can access professional help, do it!

The besties are great for a kiki, a distraction, and throwing shade at the guy who didn’t deserve you. But an unbiased professional with hard-earned credentials who’s literally paid to help you out is priceless in your healing journey. 

Mental health is the key to healthy relationships at every level of your life. Try rebuilding your relationship with yourself before getting romantically involved with anyone else.

8. Dating apps

Tread carefully with this one; dating apps can help you meet new people, but you also run the risk of stumbling across his dating profile. Level with yourself before you start swiping, and commit to blocking his profile as soon as you find it.

We’re not joking. Do not wistfully scroll through his pictures, read what he’s looking for in a partner, or get caught up in the fantasy of what could’ve been. You’ll only break your own heart.

You deserve someone who’s right for you, so hop on the apps when you’re feeling up to it. But protect your heart from the guy who already showed you he isn’t worthy of it.

9. Water your own garden

It’s easy to get down on yourself when someone doesn’t return your romantic feelings. But crushes come and go for everyone. Don’t go thinking there’s something wrong with you just because some guy didn’t appreciate you the way you deserve. 

You are inherently lovable and worthy of a healthy relationship with someone who returns your feelings. And you will find it when the time is right. Until then, do what you can to improve the foundations that a future relationship can build on: self-love and independence.

You may have heard a certain larger-than-life glamazonian drag queen say once or twice, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” There’s a reason Ru says it at the end of every episode. Mother knows best!

10. Grow from it

You might not be ready yet for the “it gets better” or “silver linings” talks, but when you are, remember they aren’t just cliches and platitudes. There will come a time when you look back on this moment with kinder eyes and can pluck some knowledge from the experience.

Maybe you’ll start to recognize negative patterns in your love life that you can learn from. Perhaps you can identify some red flags you missed but can avoid in the future. Maybe there are some great things about your former crush that you’d like to find in future dating prospects.

11. Love the love you do have

Romantic love gets so much hype, as if it’s more important than the love we share with friends, family, and our goddamn selves! We go through so much of our lives longing for some future moment when we’ll have everything we think we want and need, but what about right now? 

What about fostering platonic affection with your friends? Reach out to someone you’ve been missing (but not the crush you’re getting over). Or meet new friends through your hobbies and community.

Love comes in infinite forms, none more important than another. Sometimes, we just need to get dicked down, but sometimes we need to be hugged by a friend or read a good book in a hot bath. Feel all your feelings — good, bad, and otherwise — and then make a point to exercise gratitude for the love that you do have.