How to Bottom: The Ultimate Guide to Bossing It as a Bottom

If you’re perusing Grindr.com, then we probably don’t need to spell it out for you; you likely already know what a bottom is. 

But what if you wanted to go even deeper and discover how to bottom like a pro? Well, consider this the metaphorical lube you need to slide into a deep dive on becoming a bottom whose milkshake undeniably is bringing all the gay men to the yard.

What is a bottom?

OK, so let’s say (hypothetically) you maybe don’t know what a bottom is after all. Don’t worry, girl; we got you.

A bottom is a term for someone who takes on a receptive or passive role during sexual activity. The term usually describes the person who’s being penetrated during anal sex. But it doesn’t necessarily have to pertain to anal; some use the term to describe the partner who “receives” pleasure while the top “delivers” it. For some, this could be exclusively oral sex.

Roles aren’t always fixed, either. The toughest of tops may become the bounciest of bottoms — not always overnight, but it does happen. People who prefer switching between roles are known as vers, and their preference depends on situational factors like their partner, their mood, or the last thing they ate.

There’s also the power bottom, who, as you might imagine, is a bottom whose butt contains immense power. Power bottoms are in it to win it, and “it” is usually a Big Gulp-sized load of cum.

Are you a bottom?

We don’t know — are you? That’s a tricky question to answer without seeing your Spotify — er, without some additional information.

What about the idea of “dick meets butt” is most enticing to you? Ask yourself about your past experiences with intimacy. Do you like being a receptive partner? Does the idea of your partner plundering your booty make you think of sex first and pirates second? Do you derive pleasure from having your prostate pounded out like chicken piccata? If this all sounds familiar, then yeah — you probably enjoy bottoming from time to time.

But remember, these terms are fluid, and you’re the one deciding what to call yourself. Don’t put pressure on yourself to conform to a label. Just do what feels right — especially if that’s being anally penetrated.

Why do people enjoy bottoming?

There are a lot (and we mean a lot) of different reasons why someone might enjoy bottoming. For some, it’s about the physical sensation and pleasure they get from being penetrated. Others might love relinquishing control and being vulnerable with their partner. And many others are all about getting that nut from the inside out — which is perfectly valid, considering just how intense an orgasm bottoming can deliver.

Shining the apple: How to prepare for bottoming

Even if your butt is a veritable pleasure center, accessing it isn’t always intuitive, especially if you’ve never had visitors there before. Here are a few ways you can make the process easier on the delicate flower that is your hole:

Set the scene

Romance, intimacy, and even hardcore plowing are a lot more comfortable if you set an appropriate vibe. Dim the lights, play some music, maybe light a candle, and (if applicable) bring out the riding crop. Or crank up the volume on your favorite CupcakKe tunes and get hype — whatever it takes to cultivate a comfortable environment for you as the bottom.

Start with some light exploration

Foreplay is and always will be one of the best ways to prepare your butt for penetration. Whether it’s fingering, rimming, or some unholy combination of the two, leverage those sweet spots to make everything loosen up. If you’re starting by yourself, maybe slip a finger or two of your own up there first to see how fussy the bussy is today.

Communicate with your partner

What are your concerns or fears regarding butt sex? What are you excited about? Is doing it on the table on the table or off the table? These are questions a good top will want answers to, so don’t be afraid to speak up about how you’re feeling. You’ll have an easier time relaxing and enjoying the ride.

Use some tools

Whether it’s high-quality lube, a Booty Bling butt plug, or your favorite string of anal beads, every good bottom has an arsenal of tools to make the experience more pleasurable. Heck, for some, it might even be a blanket or pillow that comforts them. Find your favorite tushy toys and make good use of them before you bottom.

8 of our top bottoming tips

Want to stay on top of your bottoming technique? Here are eight more of our favorite tips to help ready your hole so you can bounce on that dick like the champ you are:

1. Try douching

If you’re comfortable with it, we recommend douching before bottoming. Giving your butt a bath is a great way to feel cleaner and more confident before you get railed. Some people will use water; others prefer a saline (NON-LAXATIVE) enema. You can use whatever you like (within reason — you PSL divas get that idea out of your head this instant), provided it’s gentle and you don’t overdo it.

This is probably a good time to mention that although you can take a lot of precautionary measures to get clean and confident, butts are gonna butt. A little mess isn’t the end of the world, and no one should guilt you about it.

By all means, douche your derriere, but don’t get discouraged if it’s not perfect. Sex is inherently messy. Have you seen cum? That stuff is crazy!

2. Check your diet

What you eat can impact your bottoming experience, both that day and in the long term. Eating light and avoiding gas-inducing meals before intimacy can help you feel more comfortable. Fiber-rich foods can aid digestion, whereas spicy foods will likely lead to discomfort. No one’s saying you have to swap a plate of tacos for a trough of iceberg lettuce, but you would be wise to curb the incessant snacking on cheese fries right before your partner plugs you up.

3. Find the best position for you

Experiment with different positions to discover what feels best. Some bottoms prefer being on their back, while others enjoy sex on all fours or while spooning. The right position can make all the difference in your comfort and pleasure. And once you’ve found it, don’t be afraid to make it clear with anything from a “That feels so good!” to an actual war cry; the top’s gonna enjoy the feedback regardless.

4. Relax and remember to breathe

The more tense you are, the more uncomfortable you’ll be. Take a few deep breaths and try relaxing your body. If you get nervous and you’re feeling tense going into it, take note of this and attempt some relaxation techniques before (and maybe even after) bottom sex. There’s no law against meditating on that dick.

5. Go slow

This is not a marathon. Nor is it a sprint. It is gay sex. You can get up to speeds that break the sound barrier once you’re good and ready for them. For now, start slow and give your body time to adjust to the experience. Communicate with your top and make sure they’re staying in tune with your comfort levels, too — especially if they’re controlling the pace.

6. Use, like, so much lube

Now, as wonderful as butt play feels, your anus doesn’t have a way to facilitate dicks and fingers going in and out and in and out. If you’re going to bottom and you don’t want to experience pain, you either need the ass-eating of the century or lots and lots of lube (although, truthfully, both sound pretty nice). Opt for a high-quality water-based or silicone-based lubricant, depending on your preference or whether you’re using condoms.

7. Listen to your body

Pay attention to how your body reacts throughout the experience. Don’t hesitate to communicate with your partner if something doesn’t feel right. Adjustments can be made to ensure both partners enjoy the experience. If it’s really not happening and you’re experiencing too much pain, it’s OK to pause and reassess or stop altogether.

8. Don’t get caught up in your head

Finally, let yourself go and enjoy the moment! Bottoming can be an incredibly gratifying sexual experience; it’s even better when you’re approaching it from the right mindset. And anxiety is rarely an aphrodisiac.