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Surviving the Haunt of Being Ghosted
There’s no easy way to put it. Being ghosted sucks. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a good friend or a fuccboi you went out on a few dates with. When someone shows such little regard for your feelings, it’s a direct blow to your self-esteem.
It sounds cliche, but if there were ever a moment to say, “It’s not you, it’s him,” this is it. If you’re figuring out how to deal with being ghosted, Grindr is here. We have tissues, affirmations, and a great “fuck you” text message; we’ll follow your lead.
What’s the meaning of ghosting?
A man stepping out for a pack of cigarettes and never returning is nothing new. But the term ghosting is. It describes when someone suddenly cuts off contact with no warning or explanation. And if you try to get into contact or figure out what happened, they leave you on read.
Ghosting usually refers to romantic relationships, but it can also happen with friendships, work relationships, and even family. Spooky stuff.
This sudden social cut-off can leave you haunted by ruminating thoughts. If the sudden rejection hurts your feelings, that doesn’t make you a simp. It’s natural to feel confused or hurt. You’re left to your imagination, wondering, “What does being ghosted mean?” (Hint: It’s not about you.)
Signs you’re being ghosted
Although someone might suddenly block your number and unfollow you on social media, getting ghosted can also be long and drawn out. These behaviors are tell-tale signs you’re being ghosted by a friend or love interest:
- Acting avoidant, bailing at the last minute, or refusing to commit to new plans
- Putting you on a need-to-know basis with his personal life
- Vanishing from shared gatherings with friends or social events
- Romantic gestures disappear, and sex fizzles without explanation
- All the liking and meme-sharing on your social media suddenly ends
- Taking forever to respond to texts or giving you radio silence
- Conversations turn superficial, lacking connection and emotion — like you’re talking to the wall
- His body language spells rejection: avoiding eye contact, hugs, or even being near you
- Giving you the silent treatment or not initiating contact, with all efforts to maintain the connection coming from your end
- Suddenly lacking interest in your life, achievements, or emotions
Why do people ghost?
Why does “Yas, Queen” have a chokehold on the gay community? Why do lesbians drive U-Hauls so well? Why do ghosters ghost? These are life’s great mysteries.
We can’t pinpoint the exact moment that Dave from karaoke night decided that “seen” was the only response you deserve. But we can speculate over all the red flags you swerved:
1. Cowardly with conflict
Conflict isn’t easy. For some, it’s simpler to avoid uncomfortable emotions or conversations than to face the conflict head-on. The convenience of digital communication provides an easy escape route, letting these guys dodge the potential messiness of someone else’s emotions.
Their choices prioritize personal comfort over communication and respect for someone else’s feelings. Ghosting underscores a lack of accountability in handling interpersonal relationships.
2. Overwhelmed by options
Dating apps are a double-edged sword. They allow you to meet new people you wouldn’t cross paths with in real life. They also let ghosters feel like the grass is always greener.
The abundance of choice leads some people to devalue personal connection, opting to vanish at the slightest inconvenience. It demonstrates clear commitment issues and a reluctance to invest the necessary time in a romantic relationship.
3. Can’t handle the emotional intimacy
Some guys are terrified by the slightest hint of a relationship that goes beyond the superficial. Emotional intimacy demands vulnerability, and so they ghost to avoid all that emotional labor.
It’s giving emotional immaturity. You don’t need a man who prioritizes his personal comfort at the expense of your emotional well-being.
4. Pursuit of perfection
Social media has convinced us we need to lead perfect lives. In the pursuit of an ideal partner, some guys ghost potential mates at the first sign of imperfection. How dare you have a character flaw!
No one is perfect. A ghoster’s pursuit of perfection could be a reflection of his own narcissism, lack of self-compassion, or low self-esteem. Don’t jeopardize your mental health over getting ghosted by someone who can’t handle the messiness of a real human being.
5. Communication breakdown
Sometimes, a lack of clear expectations and communication can lead to ghosting. The ghoster might not realize the emotional investment on the other side of the relationship. After all, everyone has different definitions of the talking stage or the blurry lines between sleeping with someone and dating. It still doesn’t justify radio silence. Instead, it highlights a failure to seek clarity or closure.
6. Their trunk is full of baggage
Personal insecurity and past trauma can influence someone’s tendency to ghost. It reflects a choice to let past experiences and relationships dictate the current. It could be self-protective or self-sabotaging — a way of avoiding the potential for healing or accepting a new connection. Sounds like someone’s projecting.
Repeat after us: “I can’t fix him.”
How to deal with being ghosted
Whether you’re getting over a crush or dealing with no contact after being love-bombed, it takes time to process your emotions. Give yourself some grace. Here are five tips on how to get over being ghosted:
1. Don’t take it personal
We gave you six reasons why ghosters ghost, and not one had to do with you. That doesn’t mean you should minimize your emotions. Getting ghosted doesn’t feel great, even if it’s nothing personal. If there was love bombing or breadcrumbing, you should reframe the situation and study the mechanics of toxic relationships with a therapist or mental health professional. Practice self-compassion and accept that it’s not about you; it’s about the ghoster’s emotional immaturity.
2. Practice self-care
Rejection attacks your self-esteem. Especially when it happens abruptly and without explanation. Treat yourself to some TLC, whether it’s reading self-love quotes, booking a spa day, or hosting a sleepover with your friends. Find a practice that settles your mind (e.g., journaling, mindfulness, or meditation) to ground yourself when you start spiraling.
3. Build resilience
Hindsight is 20/20, so why not enjoy the view? Reflect on what you’ve learned from the relationship and your ghosting experience. Consider the valuable things you learned and the red flags you overlooked. This isn’t about denying the pain of the situation; it’s about becoming more aware of how to build boundaries and express your needs. Siri, play "I'm a Survivor.”
4. Redirect your focus
The best revenge is your paper. It’s time to invest in yourself. Shift your attention back to hobbies, interests, or personal goals you had on the back burner.
This is the perfect time to get back into the gym, look for a new job, or finish your costume for Pride Month. Whatever you choose, dedication to yourself can rebuild your low self-esteem and reduce the mental space you give your ghoster. Evict him!
5. Fine, text him
Boy, we get it. Sometimes, the only way to gain closure is saying your piece. It’s hard to know exactly what to text after being ghosted. But a wall of text or a concise “You’re an asshole” might invite unnecessary conflict. Plus, it’s healthier to put all that energy into yourself, not someone who’s displaying paranormal activity.
Counter his roundabout attitude with a direct message that clearly communicates your feelings and what you want out of the interaction. Keep it simple — something like, “I’m hurt by your lack of care and communication. If things aren’t working for you, I’d appreciate a clear message.”
And if he doesn’t respond, you can hit him with, “Instead of radio silence, I wish you would’ve told me what was going on. I deserve more consideration than this. Bye.”
