BDSM Brats: When Being Annoying Is…Kinky?

Charli XCX single-handedly reinvigorated the brat concept on a global scale. But the BDSM brat community is nothing new. Let’s just say they’ve been so Julia for quite some time.

Some of us have a natural penchant for bad behavior, so why not channel that into something a bit sexier? If you’re looking for an opportunity to tap into your inner brattiness — or pining for a brat in your life that you can put in his place — then you’ll be delighted to hear that the brat kink is alive, well, and sticking its tongue out at you.

What is a brat in BDSM?

In BDSM, a brat refers to a silly, cheeky little devil who just wants to get into trouble. It’s commonly referenced with a Dom/sub dynamic in mind, with the brat in question being the submissive.

It’s actually not that different from a traditional Dom/sub dynamic; only the punishments and reactions from the Dom are dragged out by poor behavior from the brat. The idea is to give a middle finger to authority, hoping you’ll get a finger or two in return.

Bratty behavior and BDSM have an interesting relationship because it doesn’t seem like you’d have to treat it as seriously as other, more intense kinks. After all, what’s the big deal about crossing your arms in defiance when asked to clean up a spill you made?

Truthfully, though, there are still power dynamics at play here that need to be respected. So, like any other kink practice, you should talk about consensual behavior, ensuring both parties are comfortable with the dynamic. Aftercare should also be considered, especially since this involves so much nastiness from both parties.

The role of brat tamer or brat Dom

The brat tamer is the dominant partner on the receiving end of all the naughty foolishness. They have one goal: get their brat under control by any means necessary (or, rather, the means previously laid out and agreed upon). 

What does it take to be a good brat tamer? It helps if you have a lot of patience since it runs thin pretty quickly. You’ll have to be OK with your buttons being pushed on purpose. And most importantly, you can’t be too soft on your brat.

In fact, this dynamic requires the Dom to be extra vigilant about putting their foot down and doling out punishments. Traditional Dom/sub roles won’t always feel like a tug-of-war to control a situation. In contrast, a brat tamer needs to constantly remind their submissive partner who’s boss — that’s kinda the whole point.

How to be a brat

So, you’re turned on by the kink of being a lil’ stinker but aren’t sure where to begin. Here are a few examples of things you can do to elicit a punishment or reaction from your Dom to get things moving.

Ignore or refuse orders

It’s time to talk back and stomp your feet because this just isn’t fair! Ignoring your Dom is going to infuriate him — hooray!

Refusing with bratty language like, “You can’t make me!” will eventually lead to him proving that yes, he can, and here’s how. But the real game changer is the tried and true “What are you gonna do about it?” He’s sure to show you.

Be annoying

Depending on your personality, this may or may not come naturally to you. It also requires that you know what your Dom finds annoying. This could mean arriving late for dates, passive-aggressive behavior like rolling your eyes or huffing and puffing, or invading your Dom’s personal space. (I’m not touching you!)

Interrupt

As the brat, whatever you have to say is more important than your Dom. Say whatever you want, whenever you want, submissives — the floor is always yours!

Pretend you don’t understand

Are you too gay to function? Good! Pretend you don’t understand commands to infuriate your Dom. Turn the bratting up to 11 by making it extremely obvious that you do, in fact, understand.

Embarrass your Dom

What makes your Dom beet red but their dick rock hard? Do that! Tease him in front of his friends or knock something out of his hands. Just remember to keep things consensual; certain acts of embarrassment or shame could be overtly triggering, so the angel on our bratty shoulders is swooping in for a moment to remind you this is just a game.

Run away

Catch me if you can! And maybe you want him to because there’s a punishment waiting for you when he finally does. Bonus points for taunting him as you send him on a wild goose chase through a department store.

Do the opposite

You’ve been asked to cut it out. Don’t. You’ve been warned that you’ll get a spanking if you do that again. Do it again. When you’re a brat, every day is Opposite Day.

How to be a brat over text

Why wait to unleash your brattiness in person? You can be just as hard to deal with over the phone!

Select emojis and GIFs

There are so, so, so many annoying emojis and GIFs that will put you in the doghouse. Use them often.

Send pictures and audio clips

An audio clip of a sarcastic retort? That’s high-effort brattiness. You’d better believe a punishment is coming down the pipeline (and it could be laying pipe).

Reply annoyingly

If you’ve been waiting to break out the “I know you are, but what am I?” line, guess what — here’s your moment, bratiana. Serve the attitude with those bratty thumbs of yours!

Change the topic

Who cares what your Dominant partner wants to talk about? Bring the center of attention back to yourself.

Text when you know your Dom is busy

Did your Dom tell you he’d be too busy to reply while he’s in a meeting? Guess it’s time to blow up his phone with nonsense!

Bratting tips for playing safely

Turning brat girl summer into a brat girl year won’t be easy. Here are some tips for being disrespectful respectfully.

Do research

It sounds so simple to be a brat, but doing it right requires a good head on your shoulders and an understanding of how the kink works. Ensure you’re aware of bratting best practices when engaging in any BDSM.

Get on the same page

We’ve spent a lot of time telling you to defy your partner. But realistically, the two of you must consent to a host of different behaviors, both as the brat and the brat tamer. Is there something off-limits? Talk about it. Is there something exceptionally on limits that will absolutely lead to fucking? Talk about that, too. Maybe even write it down in a BDSM checklist so you know exactly where you stand (or kneel).

Practice your brat voice

Altering your voice to be higher or more annoying (or ideally both) can be an excellent way to let your partner know the game is in full swing. It can act as a cue that you’re channeling a character, which can help your partner decipher your behavior and react appropriately, especially when you’re first learning how to embrace your brat side.

Be authentic

Truthfully, being a fully-fledged brat is often a personality trait. Bratting should feel, at least in some way, authentic to you as a person. And if you’re taking on the role of a tamer, you should be able to slip into the role comfortably, even if you don’t get everything right or need to make adjustments.

Pick a safe word

This dynamic only works because it explicitly plays with the idea of pushing limits. Hot, yes. But since boundaries are constantly getting rubbed up against, communication will always be crucial. This includes determining a safe word or phrase with your partner that lets him know when things are getting a little too real.

Make a plan for aftercare

Much like any other BDSM act, the Dom/sub brat experience requires you to check in with tenderness after the fact. This could entail cuddling, kissing, spending quality time together without the dynamic in play, or something entirely different you and your partner land on together.