What Are Neopronouns? New Pronouns and Modern Gender Expression

The freedom of gender expression is a beautiful thing. It’s even more lovely that the progression is happening at warp speed.

But for some of us, that breakneck pace has us feeling a little left in the dust — first Billie Eilish, and now this? What is “me espresso,” and why don’t they serve it at Tim Hortons? Is Brat Girl Summer kind of like hurricane season, or are the kids just getting really into grilled sausage?

Those are topics for another day. Today, we’re talking about something else that’s been championed by Gen Z: neopronouns. But what exactly are neopronouns? How can you understand them so you don’t look ignorant at Thanksgiving when your cousin puts you on blast for mixing up xe/xyr and ze/zir pronouns?

Let’s discuss all these new pronouns so you don’t get canceled before the cranberry sauce hits the table.

What are neopronouns?

Neopronouns are a type of gender-neutral, nonbinary pronoun. Whereas the familiar he/him and she/her are tied to masculine and feminine gender identities (depending on presentation; drag would beg to differ), neopronouns provide a way for individuals to identify themselves outside of this binary framework without fighting their parents about the use of singular “they.”

Neopronouns are most often adopted by nonbinary individuals, but other genderfluid, transgender, and genderqueer people who don’t necessarily fit into either camp will also use them. Unlike they/them, which many consider “gender-neutral” pronouns, neopronouns often specifically assert a gender that isn’t part of the traditional binary — not a man or a woman but a secret third thing.

These pronouns function similarly to traditional gendered pronouns when used in sentences. For instance, instead of saying, “He went to the store for a pastel purple harness,” you might say, “Xe went to the store for a pastel purple harness.” Xe/xem/xyr fulfill the same purpose as the he/him/his schema you’re familiar with.

This LGBTQ vocabulary provides a more respectful and personalized way to refer to nonbinary people. Because at the end of the day, we’re all the same in that regard; we just want to be acknowledged and validated in our own self-image.

A history of neopronouns and their origins

Just because your nonbinary nephew recently started using neopronouns doesn’t mean they’re brand new. People have been using neopronouns as far back as the 1700s. An early example is the pronoun “thon,” introduced in 1858 and included in some dictionaries for a time. Neopronouns continued to see sporadic use throughout the early 1900s.

The rise of the internet and online communities enabled individuals to explore and express their identities more freely, leading to the modern resurgence of neopronouns. As conversations around gender diversity increased, the use of neopronouns gained traction as a way to create a more inclusive language.

Today, neopronouns are increasingly recognized and used within various communities. The re-adoption of such terms reflects the ongoing evolution of language and the rejection of gendered stereotypes.

Why do people use neopronouns?

What would drive someone to use neopronouns instead of the available binary options? The answer is pretty simple — the “standard” pronouns don’t register with who they are as a person. Neopronouns give these individuals an opportunity to present themselves more authentically. 

Think about it: If you were given a name you didn’t resonate with, you might consider changing it to something that feels more “you.” If anything, a name change is a more extreme example because you have to call your bank’s customer service hotline to update that one.

Or imagine you identify with the “he/him” label; it suits you well! Now, imagine everyone was going around “she/her”-ing you left and right. Even if it didn’t upset you, it would at least be confusing. Why can’t people address you in a way that better affirms your gender identity?

Neopronouns help with this while challenging the gender binary. They’re also an excellent way to expand our minds and remain mindful regarding an often tricky topic.

Our (tragically incomplete) neopronouns list

We’ve curated a list of some popular neopronouns, along with examples of how to use them in sentences. This is not an exhaustive list — not even close. But it’s a decent start for all you gender pioneers out there.

Xe/xem/xyr

Xe/xem/xyr is a commonly used set of neopronouns. Here are a few ways you would use them in a sentence:

• Xe went to the park.
• I spoke with xem about the project.
• Xe said xyr favorite color is periwinkle.

Ze/zir

Ze/zir is another set of neopronouns that some individuals prefer. Examples of sentences using these neopronouns include:

• Ze is going to the Chappell Roan concert tonight.
• I borrowed zir book for the weekend.
• Ze told me that zir plans have changed.

Fae/faer

Fae/faer is a whimsical alternative for those who feel their gender is ethereal. Here’s how you can use them:

• Fae is a big fan of fantasy novels.
• I asked faer for some advice.
• Fae mentioned that faer cockatiel is very friendly.

Ey/em/eir

Ey/em/eir is a set of pronouns derived from the singular “they.” Examples include:

• Ey will join us for dinner.
• I saw em at the café earlier.
• Ey said that eir favorite food is gummy worms.

Ae/aer

Ae/aer is another set of neopronouns coined by author David Lindsay for his 1920 novel A Voyage to Arcturus. Here’s how to use them:

• Ae is an excellent classical guitarist.
• I helped aer with their chemistry homework.
• Ae explained aer perspective clearly.

Ve/ver/vis

Ve/ver is a set of neopronouns popularized by Greg Egan’s 1995 novel Distress. Examples are:

• Ve enjoys going out on the weekends.
• I talked with ver about the dinner reservation.
• Ve shared vis thoughts on the new company policy.

How do you know someone’s neopronouns?

Reading is fundamental, but so is comprehension. And understanding someone’s pronouns can feel like a logistical minefield. Is it OK to outright ask? Should you wait for the person to correct you? What if they get upset after you use the wrong pronouns?

The best way to learn someone’s pronouns is to ask. It cuts to the chase and avoids ambiguity. The anxious among us may want a subtler solution; they’ll have to listen closely and observe. Just be prepared for an exponentially more embarrassing correction.

Still, most people won’t hold a grudge if they have to correct you once or twice — so long as you put forth an honest effort. In fact, many people introduce themselves with their pronouns these days. If they don’t, you could always offer your own when introducing yourself. Doing so will prompt the people you’re meeting to do the same.

There are plenty of other ways to normalize sharing pronouns. It’s as simple as including them in an email signature or your dating profile.

Why are neopronouns controversial?

Neopronouns are often misunderstood. A common misconception is that neopronouns are a recent trend or an intentionally obtuse imposition. In reality, neopronouns have been around for centuries to help people express their gender identity more accurately. They’re important for those who feel uncomfortable using more common pronouns like “he” and “she.”

Challenges to neopronouns come from resistance to change and a lack of awareness. Some argue that neopronouns disrupt grammatical norms and make communication cumbersome, but language is constantly evolving. Merriam-Webster adds hundreds of words to its dictionary each year. It’s hard to argue that neopronouns are problematic for the English language when “thirst trap” is immortalized in the annals of history.

Neopronouns don’t have to be controversial. Learning about them will dispel myths and misconceptions, creating a more inclusive environment for all. Normalizing discussions regarding pronouns would also make misgendering much less scary.

And that’s a major reason some people take issue with pronoun usage in the first place; they’re worried they’ll get it wrong. Let’s just accept that learning someone’s pronouns might involve a couple of corrections along the way. Letting go of that anxiety will make allyship much easier.